F.E.E.L. and resolve conflicts that seem hopeless


I want to tell you a short story today. A story about how using F.E.E.L. rather then get involved into the story solves even the most complicated and hopeless conflict.

So many times when we are confronted with someone or with a different standpoint, we listen to the words and we don’t pay attention to what is underneath. We forget to F.E.E.L. the situation.

We can even call it “communicating” but indeed we are involved into the story.

The problem is, WE DON’T KNOW that we are pulled into the story.

So, when the situation seems difficult to solve, try what I’m describing in today’s story for you.

This is one of the most touchable stories with my children and when you’ll try to act like this, you’ll witness a miracle.

It happened last summer when I was walking home after the wonderful afternoon at the beach with my eldest son and my daughter.

She suddenly stopped and wanted me to buy her a little toy from the machine next to the street.

I said, sure, yes, let’s go and buy it. But my son started to complain.

The toy costed 1 euro.

He started something like … oh, do you have to buy every single little toy for her? Do you have to spend all this money on stupid little things?

I immediately started to explain … oh darling, but we are just going home from YOUR diving course (which was a way more expensive then her little toy) and last year I bought you a laptop, I could be buying her little toys for a lifetime for the cost of the laptop …

OMG. I was right, right? He was jealous and I was tempted to make him behave. The situation was getting really hot.

But then I heard him saying something like … when I was her age, I didn’t get anything at all … (which wasn’t true either) and that stopped me.

What the hell is going on here? Where am I getting involved with his story rather then listening deeply?

I just paused. I turned to my heart. This was the crucial moment. I could have continued to argue and convince him and I would probably won since he really didn’t have any reason to complain, but I rather decided to F.E.E.L.

I remembered being through deepest financial crisis when he was her age. It was a bitter memory, filled with guilt and sadness. I allowed both feelings to be felt in my body and when you allow them without judgement, they gently wave away.

I took me few minutes to F.E.E.L. I felt waves of feelings subside and when I was ready, I simply turned to my boy and said: “Darling, I’m sorry. It must have been really hard for you when I couldn’t afford to buy you anything. I know, it was hard.”

I could see on his face and sensed how he turned to his feelings, which now had permission to exist. He said something like … yes, it was hard for me … and I said again … yes, darling, I know, I’m sorry (with compassion, not self-centred guilt), while allowing my feelings to simply flow through my body.

We both had feelings at that moment, but being in touch with them and expressing them was what made magic possible.

I sensed how his feelings liberated from his body in a few minutes of my compassionate presence. The story about his sister and her little toy became totally unimportant.

This communication lasted for little more when all of the sudden I witnessed a miracle.

His face lit up, he literally almost flew to his little sister and started to explain, with passion and joy, where she could get a whole bag of same little toys.

What happened to his jealousy? He wasn’t really jealous, he just appeared so. In reality he had that heavy feeling, I believe it was sadness and disappointment, in his body which needed release. 

I could not change his past. But neither has he needed that. He needed me to allow him to express his feelings about the past, to listen and made space for his experience.

I could do it because I went through F.E.E.L. first. And it has turned a hopeless argument into magic, that connected us on a deeper level.

This kind of magic happens when you don’t get involved into the story and decide to F.E.E.L. instead.

Try it yourself. When someone complains around you, first become aware and F.E.E.L. your feelings. Go through them and let go. Then listen deeply.

Maybe they need to express what they feel. Maybe they need to be heard. Maybe they just need space.

The energetic shift that happens after you F.E.E.L. and listen deeply, literally changes the whole situation. Situations and relationships that were hopeless, become the source of your deepest awareness and ultimately, of your joy and abundance.

Never forget, I fully trust and believe in your success!