Your desire for abundance— greed or authentic passion?

If you’ve ever judged yourself for wanting more abundance, or if you’re finding it difficult to manifest abundance in your life right now, then dive with me into today’s story. It will help you distinguish between greed and your true heart’s desire and ultimately help you manifest the latter.

With all the expansiveness of the new year ahead, it may seem funny to touch on the topic of “greed” topic though, right? Let me tell you why I was inspired to go there …

My Mom passed away a month ago. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to go through some of her papers to sort things out and this is a not very pleasant work, as you can imagine … but has to be done.

Turning page after page (OMG, I love paperless administration) I came across some of her personal writing and journaling. Words that revealed her judgement about money and desires that she named “greedy”. I suddenly understood a lot of my past in that moment.

Years ago, when I was right in the middle of a most painful period in my life… when I had lost most of my finances and  found myself with 1 euro in my wallet… I began to research what causes such financial turmoil and pain in one’s life.

This research continues and understanding “greed” is definitely one of my most profound discoveries in this matter. Because once you understand “greed”, it will bring healing to your pain and frustration. More than that, when you spread your light of understanding to those around you, you will not only help yourself but also many people that you love and care for too.

Ready?

Okay, let’s dive into GREED.

The word really sounds so judgemental, doesn’t it. No-one wants to be greedy and yet, we all are to some extent.

Let’s look at that a little more closely, shall we?

If you want to dive deeper into any topic, especially a judgement, you need to suspend what you (think you) know about it first. You need to suspend what you believe and your opinions. You need to start unpacking greed without judgement and like you don’t know anything about it. That’s always the ideal starting point.

This was how I had to begin when I read those notes from my Mom.

Years ago I would take such words personally and it would have hurt me so much that I wouldn’t be able to move forward, on purpose for a while.

Judgment can be so paralyzing.

This time it was different.  I have developed so much more emotional strength over the years thanks to my F.E.E.L. practice.

So, while reading about greed in her eyes, I chose first, to suspend judgement and allow her words to be true. In her eyes the greed was definitely true.

I allowed myself to be in discovery mode. To really consider what is activated in a person when she or he appears to be greedy.

I firmly believe that no-one is bad or greedy. Really no-one. But so many of us appear greedy. We can observe greed and judge others as “bad” people and make ourselves wrong for wanting more too, this is how we go round and round.

We want to stop greed. We decide it is bad. We want both, to deny our greed and / or punish those who are greedy since we judge it so heavily.

So today I want to open a new understanding of greed. I want to share the truth which became clear to me when I used F.E.E.L. while reading my Mom’s notes so you can understand the truth fully.

First, we always begin by being willing to feel.

I started there too and  I acknowledged that reading about the greed woke up feelings in me (F). When I turned to my body and allowed them there (E = embody), I began to feel all sorts of feelings.

When I appear greedy, I am actually totally afraid. I am scared that my needs won’t be met.

My body has a cellular memory of my needs being judged and denied.

There is also memory from the times when I was humiliated for having and expressing my needs, especially around needs that require money.

Yet, those needs are natural and human. It is our spiritual development to come to terms with these needs and allow them freely so they can manifest our desires.

However, when we are in internal conflict between allowing our needs and simultaneously judging / stopping / denying them, then this conflict comes forth as greed.

Ouch.

Greed is actually internal conflict between healthy needs and not trusting they will ever be met.

If we turn to the law of attraction for a moment, we will see, why misfortune seems to strike or punish bad, greedy people making us think that wanting more is wrong.

Actually, those people are not greedy and not bad.

They are just desperately afraid their needs won’t be met and they, sooner or later, manifest that lack according to their underlying fear. This is the vicious cycle. Fear leads to greed, greed leads to unfulfillment, and unfulfillment confirms the fear.

This is such a painful conflict and needs love and compassion to heal.

If I return to my example for the sake of practical learning… after embodying my feelings, I began to express what was there. (second E = express).

“I am afraid. Actually, I feel such low self-esteem and extremely low self-value. I feel the pain of not being fully loved and appreciated as a precious human being and a being of light.”

I felt the pain of my youth and early adulthood. I was never really shown that my needs matter when I was a girl or a young woman. I was judged greedy and selfish. I was punished by not being given what I needed and raised in lack so I would not turn out spoiled. It was painful and it definitely wounded my self-esteem.

Can you relate, my dear?

Being lovingly present when expressing takes place is so healing. You are owning and surrendering to your feelings.

There is no blame, no victimizing, also no pressure and not time limit. No “cleansing of the feelings” since this would attribute them as “dirty”. Simply allowing, accepting, making space for them.

Life gets so rich when you can find relief in allowing your feelings of the moment.

By doing so you are allowing your feelings and their energy to slowly let go (L = let go).

Energy can never be destroyed or created, it can only be transformed. The energy from your fear and feelings of low self-esteem is slowly transformed into something else.

This was what happened to me. I was able to embrace my fear and my wounded self-esteem.

Eventually, greed disappeared and so did my defence against my Mom’s words. I was able to embrace the little girl in me and gave her reassurance that she will be OK. I was also able to understand my Mom’s pain with compassion.

This is what we ALL need.

Instead of being judgemental around our “greed”, we need to F.E.E.L. the conflict underneath and heal that. Then and only then we will be able to get in touch with our true and healthy needs and once we do, we will be able to effortlessly manifest them in the material world too.

So, let’s be honest together, OK?

What desires you haven’t been able to manifest yet?

Take a minute and write them down. Then, meditate on them and find out where you are in  judgement about being “greedy” for desiring that particular thing.

Admit it and suspend judgement. YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR ANSWER YET. But you can find your way and manifest it immediately if you F.E.E.L. through it. I promise!

Go underneath your “greed” and embark on F.E.E.L., my dear Visionary. You will heal and you will manifest.

Can it get any better than that?

Oh, yes, it can. Next you can spread this precious wisdom to those you love and care about.  You can help them F.E.E.L. rather than judge them. This is the future of humanity, can you see that?

I am so thankful you are here with me. This is really big since this world desperately needs more healers, storytellers and lovers of all kind.

 

F.E.E.L. through to your desires to manifest them and never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

 

Spelca

What would you regret if you die tomorrow?

This story is for you if you are desperate about something in your life right now.

Only if you are desperate, will you feel the urgency to devote energy to what I’ll be talking about today. It is not easy. If it was, you would have started doing it a long time ago. The good news is, it is simple. So simple that even children can do it.

You can too.

You just need to decide.

Do I have your attention? Do YOU have YOUR attention?

Good.

It is just too easy to escape to another “urgent project” or something that needs to be done rather than looking at how to fundamentally connect with yourself and others in your life. The trouble is, this world desperately needs more people who are willing to re-connect, otherwise we will drown in the emotional starvation that leads to sadness, loneliness and frustration.

What would you regret if you die tomorrow?

I ask myself this question often.

It all began when I almost lost my daughter years ago, when she was 4.

She fell into our own pool. I was the one who found her, dragged her out of the water,  gave her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, called her back … and she stayed.

It took me 2 years to recover from that experience and there is not a single day since then that I am not overcome with gratitude that she is still here with us.

This accident was a turning point in my life for many reasons. One of them was my awareness that everything, YES everything, can be gone tomorrow.

So TODAY is what counts. You literally may not have another day to make it up.

When people are asked what they would do if they had 6 months to live, many say they would travel the world or do the crazy things they have always wanted to do.

Actually, I don’t really believe that.

I would argue instead that if we allowed our vulnerability, we would admit that more than anything, more than traveling the world, skydiving, creating remarkable projects or kissing a celebrity – we truly crave more emotional connection.

If we have emotional connection today, then no day is lost. You can die or lose everything tomorrow, and you will still feel fulfilled. You would still feel like you’ve done your job in this lifetime.

And you would be right.

Watching my Mom passing away recently has only confirmed what I already know.

Lack of emotional connection makes us suffer.  It causes us to suffer today, at the moment of transition and most probably, on the other side too.

Yet, the defence against vulnerability, what we feel in the moment of admitting this need, is many times overwhelming.

And so we go back to where we were. Not needing anything, blaming others, complaining or finally, giving up.

So how can we accept and embrace those vulnerable moments and step into the need of emotional connection?

Well, the threshold we need to overcome, is filled with feelings. Strong feelings.

Walk with me, here and now, my dear courageous <name>.

Go to your heart. Just simply touch your heart as you are reading this. Give it a moment or two. Then slowly admit how much you need love. Maybe you can stay with this need for just a second and that’s OK to begin with.

Because even this initial second is enough to F.E.E.L. This second has helped you decide that you are willing to make yourself available to feel.

You began with your heart, your F.E.E.L. practice today, and you are already embodying your need for love.

Give it space, soft attention, and most of all, enough time.

You are human.

You need love and emotional connection.

This is a huge first step if you express it to yourself first.

If you feel strong enough, you might want to give it a try and express it to others while being aware of their same need too. It can be a very simple act of appreciation, but most of the time just your energetic alignment with your need will cause miracles.

When you let it go fully, you’ll be amazed. Not by actions from others as you might expect but by the inner feeling you will awaken in yourself.

YOU will feel connected. You will feel a little bit more connected every single time you allow yourself to F.E.E.L. through your need for emotional connection.

Isn’t this amazing? So many times we think others have to change or act differently in order for US to feel connected. But you actually have the tools in your hands and you can activate your feelings of emotional connection. Right now. Today.

I practice this a lot.

Every time I do it, it feels like I can die tomorrow and I won’t regret any single moment.

I am not leaving out my life. I am living it fully!

By simply F.E.E.L.-ing through my need of emotional connection, again and again and again. And a little more.

 

Never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

Spelca

I kept attracting married men… until I did THIS

It’s the definition of insanity to repeat the same actions over and over and expect different results. Yes, I’m sure you’ve heard that before … and still, I bet there are certain  areas in your life in which you keep creating the same results.

This has happened to me too. From the title I bet you can guess what went on 😉

So let me tell you what I did to shift this and what changed as a result. It was shocking and I was never the same.

Let’s say that you keep attracting same types of people into your life.

When I was thinking about how I could explain the way you can change this, I was immediately drawn to my “married men” story.

Now, my first instinct was to hesitate. It’s a personal story. It is very much mine. It is very vulnerable. I should not talk about this. Let’s choose something lighter. Something more appropriate.

Hmmm. Uuuugggggh.

Isn’t that the way we avoid changes in vulnerable areas of our life?

It sure is.

We avoid them.  We judge them. We postpone them …

Until it causes so many painful results that we have to look at them

So I’m going to talk about the married men thing… and how I changed it.

Deep breath …

Let’s start by taking a step towards change together.

You are strong, I am strong. We can do this.

We can face a challenge before it becomes so painful that life makes us face it.

OK?

If you agree, continue reading. I love you.

So, the thing I kept repeating. The thing that had to change was the fact that I kept attracting married men.

Gulp …

Since my divorce there have been at least least 7 or 8 occasions in which I’ve attracted a married man into my life… or rather… they became attracted to me?

Anyway, to make a simple story more complicated, they were all “just about to divorce”.

Of course.

Men who are in a healthy marriage, they don’t walk around fishing. But those in need for emotional connection, they were just like me.

We both had this same painful emptiness and lack of emotional connection with the opposite sex.

I was aware of this emptiness. After years of working on myself, it was an obvious consequence of my father’s absence.

Yet despite this awareness I STILL kept manifesting those men in my life.

Typically, I would not be attracted at all until they started to show me affection and loving kindness.

Sooner or later, I could not resist this tenderness and I would buy into “I am not happy in my marriage and I am just about to divorce” story. Only, after a short while, they would suddenly be hit with guilt and start avoiding me, which of course resulted in painful rejection.

(Ugggh, yes, this was my life and it hurt. So much pain.)

Now let me tell you what happened next.

Eventually, I had enough.

I decided to take the bull by the horns and bring it up with my mentor.

It would’ve been so easy to talk about ANYTHING else with her and avoid this conversation. She would never even suspect my shame and my pain around this.

But I wanted to face it. I knew F.E.E.L. could change any problem starting at the root.

I began telling my story and the “F”, (remember, F stands for the decision to make muself avialbe to feel), that was easy. After I decided to make myself available to feel so many years ago, I made a vow never to go back to the old way …

But “E”, the embodying was very challenging. I kept trying to rationalize with my mind. I kept explaining my story. I kept swirling around my father and my childhood and how difficult it was when I was little …

But this is where Einstein’s wisdom come into play.

If you want different results, you need to do something differently.

If diving into your childhood and understanding what happened to you doesn’t bring you desired change, then you need to do something differently.

That’s when it is time to F.E.E.L.

I was lucky that my mentor is masterful in using F.E.E.L.

She gently and firmly kept redirecting me back to my body.

What struck me was how persistent I was in defending the married men. I was so ready to defend the very men who hurt me by seducing and then rejecting me.

I found all sorts of excuses and reasons why he “indeed has feelings for me but he just, for some reason, cannot show / express / live it right now.”

Bullshit.

Not because of them. This wasn’t really about the men at all.

This was about me and connecting to my last line of defences against feeling my pain.

I had to feel my pain.

By keeping simple mindfulness in my body, the deep pain of being rejected slowly started to emerge. No story, no “others who did it to me”, just my pain. Tears began washing it away and when I started to “E”, express, I was blown away.

Because my pain turned into anger.

My very healthy anger!

This was not me being angry at someone who “did it to me”, but MY ANGER.

My energy was coming back. Years of frozen energy, years of defending my pain of rejection, was melting through this powerful feeling.

Feeling healthy feelings is electric.

Energy is literally opening new pathways through your body. This is really important for lasting change. Otherwise your pathways remain the same and you are not able to choose / act / respond differently next time.

That is why E, embody, and E, express, is so helpful. It enables sustainable change, not just logical “understanding”, which, we both know, will probably result in another same old sh*t next time.

So, after minutes of expressing it and literally shaking my body, the feeling slowly subsided and I was able to enter into “L”, letting go.

It felt like a river of old, heavy feelings, was leaving my body, and I was entering a new, unknown expression of myself. I found myself in this free and lighter place.

I didn’t try to make sense of it. I just allowed my body to rearrange on a cellular level. The occasional deep sigh and shake kept coming out of my mouth for a while. It was so different than before. So different than I expected.

And what happened next?

That was the true evidence of my transformation.

The rose-coloured glasses I wore while defending  those married men finally lifted.

All of the sudden I was able to see a clear, unfiltered picture.

THEY DID HURT ME.

They were not responsible and I do deserve so much more.

No blame, no judgement. Just my decision and ability to make a different choice for my future.

This is how change happens.

You need to move through the barrier otherwise you keep repeating the same situations and keep getting the same results.

When you admit it, when you lovingly embrace the initial shame around it and F.E.E.L. through it, then change is simply inevitable.

With that in mind may YOU have your own “married men” experience to spark your change through F.E.E.L. NOW! Because you only deserve the best too <3

 

Never forget, I fully trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

 

PS: I’m working on something behind the scenes, just for you.  I’m creating a special video explaining the F.E.E.L.™ Formula in detail as my Christmas present for you. Until then, you can watch this short video. I explain it nicely here too.

Watch here.

Can loosing a loved one be a wonderful experience?

If you have you ever lost a loved one, either recently or some time ago, or you want to prepare for the future, then you’ll find this very valuable since I want to talk about transitions today. They can indeed be very beautiful and transformative.

As you know me, I don’t believe in spiritual bypass. I’m not an advocate of covering your pain and sorrow with any kind of “light and spirit”. I will talk about deep human experience that will enrich your life in just every possible aspect.

I have recently lost my Mom. This is still very fresh for me and I believe that speaking about my journey will help you have a healing experience when it’s your turn.

Her transition story began two and half years ago when she outburst really heavily on me and my younger children. She has always been difficult towards close family members. Very sweet to the outside and bitterly cruel to the inside circle. This is hard and those of you who have a similar situation, know, how weird it is. You cannot even talk about it since they hardly believe you. “She is such a wonderful woman!”, I’ve heard so many times.

Yes, she was. In her own way.

So, after 30 years of abuse I’ve finally decided to say NO. I understood that she has psychological condition that needs treatment, like alcoholism. Like alcoholics would never admit they have a problem, so wouldn’t she. But I had to follow my heart and set a firm, solid boundary. This is was hard.

I had to NOT answer any phone call, any text, any email. I simply replied: “Mommy, I love you and I will speak to you as soon as you get professional help.”

Gosh, it sounds easy. But what I had to go through, was grieving the loss of my own Mother while she was still alive. It was hardest over Christmas. Everybody was invited by their Mother, not us. She was there, and I had to respect my boundary. If I didn’t, I knew she’ll go after us again. I was firm.

This was the period when F.E.E.L. really helped me. Every t

ime I felt despair and almost a flesh desire to give in, F.E.E.L. has brought me deeper. It brought me in touch with my sadness and the very real feeling of loss. Didn’t I know how to F.E.E.L., I would probably be depressed and in constant conflict with my children.

The deepest grieving was coming and going in waves and it lasted about 3 months around Christmas and then I started to feel a little lighter and happier again.

About 1 year after I’ve set a boundary I’ve got the news of her illness. Her condition got so bad that in the meantime she also divorced from my step father, wonderful, soft man and her 30 years husband and moved out of their beautiful house. She kept pressuring him about selling the house but for her own luck, there was no buyer.

He told me about her illness. I didn’t take it very seriously from the beginning but short after the news I’ve THE feeling. The same feeling I had when my beloved grandfather got slight fever and laid down to bed at the age of 87. He got better the next day and I dismissed my feeling. The next day we have found him peacefully sleeping for ever. I will never forget THE feeling since then.

So, I’ve got THE feeling about my Mom and I knew this is final. I didn’t tell anyone but I was aware this is beginning of my Journey, my final Journey with my Mom.

As I was listening to my heart and set a firm boundary, now my heart was telling me to speak to her again. I was gentle and compassionate, as much as I could. It was hard. I knew I had not allow her speak abusively to me and yet, be compassionate. This is actually a master combination.

At this point I began to understand her teaching.

She actually was teaching me how to step up for myself even or especially when someone abuses me. She was testing my last single little weak point. The moment I’ve fallen into a trap of being nice for the sake of being accepted and loved, she got me. She would say things that hurt me deeply so I had to protect myself. Excellent teacher.

I understood her Mothering role. She couldn’t let her her youngster go on her own without being firm and confident. She needed to teach me how to set firm boundaries and keep my heart open.

It was hard teaching. Probably hardest I have ever undertaken. But so valuable. She took her role seriously and would not give up for an inch.

On the physical level she was battling with her illness and she began to cure it naturally. First she fasted for 40 days and she got weaker and weaker. It didn’t help. She decided for chemo after that which she wasn’t tolerating well. She was so depleted after 6 months that she clearly announced: “I rather die then take another chemo treatment.”

As I said, I knew it anyway. I was observing the whole process and I knew, this is my chance to fully forgive, accept her as she is, accept her teaching and do my transformation.

My transformation accelerated with the progress of her illness. I felt every single cell of my body, screaming for release. Even my otherwise extremely healthy hair got weak and broken when her hair suffered from chemo. I could feel old patterns releasing from my system and it was sometimes at the edge of bearable.

Her ex-husband, my soft and sweet step father, never turned his back to her. He continued to support her in just every way, including financially. She moved back into their house and since that moment, he took care of her as she got weaker.

I experienced the peak moment of her last months and my liberation when I was away from my country for a month. I was in London during the summer with my daughter and at the Lunar Eclipse I decided to go all in. I meditated the whole afternoon in British Science Museum in the Egyptian wing. I did a ritual in the evening at home where I burned the old beliefs, written on a paper. I did the olive oil and salt whole body peeling and a long bath.

Next morning I noticed my daughter being extremely impatient with our bunnies. Not like her at all. I began to notice what is going on with me and then I – all of the sudden – felt the strong impulse. Coming from within. It was so strong that I had to sit down and god thanks, my 12 years old daughter was there for me.

Years of resentment and painful feelings started to literally burp out of me. The only thing I knew I had to do, was to F.E.E.L. No way to blame anyone. No way to go to story. Just allow my own feelings. There were many. Despair, pain, hatred, lots of hatred. It was physically painful as I cried it out. My whole body was shaking and releasing as I was naming the most painful events with my Mom. My girl was just repeating: “I can’t even imagine how painful it is to have a Mom behaving like this with you.” She was so compassionate. I understood it had to be her, since I just could not let go so deep when my boys are present. No way. With her, shame was bearable. Yes, shame, strong shame of having had those events in my life with my Mom. My body was convinced there is something very wrong with me and my soul was trying to soothe my pain.

After a whole package of handkerchiefs and maybe 1 hour of the outbreak I was finally free. I don’t recall such a strong F.E.E.L. process ever before.

I was empty and relieved. I knew I have just healed our history.

After that I was able to go to my Mom and answer her even most harsh words with compassion. I was able to invite her to feel her anger and resentment. She did a little and she was so grateful. I was able to connect with her and be there for her final months.

During her last 3 months she had some more attacks and one got me again, but a way less then earlier. I allowed myself to F.E.E.L., this was the only cure. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, placed my hand on my heart and F.E.E.L. (it is not always the heart you need to place your hand on, you need to find the spot in your body for every emotional pain separately, but with my Mom it was mainly heart). I felt sadness, humiliation and pure emotional pain … but thanks to F.E.E.L. it would last for a short time before I was relieved. The periods of pain were shorter and shorter and I was calmly approaching the day of her goodbye.

I’ve seen her for the last time about a week before she passed away. She was weak and could barely speak. She hasn’t eaten for about 2 weeks. She was still complaining about me and about her ex-husband who was taking loving care of her. I was just there, with all my love and I prayed. I prayed for her to see and to be able to accept the love she was surrounded by. When I left, she was almost asleep. I kissed her for the last time in our journey. I was so peaceful. I knew, she has done her job above excellent. She was such a devoted Mom. She just had this cruel job, so to speak. She had to teach me through unpleasant experiences.

On Saturday, December 2nd, telephone rang. It was her husband. I knew it.

I cried from my heart. I allowed it fully. No holding back. It lasted for half an hour or so and then I was clean. I was emotionally ready to continue my life.

The last two things happened before she was laid into the mother Earth.

First one happened when I went to say goodbye to her body few hours before she was cremated. I was there, she was in her coffin and I F.E.E.L. again. I felt through our life and there were some residuals of sadness but not much anymore. Then, all of the sudden, I felt the shift. I was literally transferred into new reality. I felt the totally new sense of connection with her, from the spiritual realm where she was at. This new feeling joined with all my earthly feelings and they together started to play a most beautiful symphony in my heart. I knew that transition and connection just happened and I was willing to nurture it for ever. At the very same moment light appeared above her face in the coffin. That was IT. This is an eternal soul connection.

I was OK to leave.

I decided to wear white for the funeral and to have a short speech for her and for everybody. I invited everybody to feel with me. To feel all the human feelings, to remember how they felt with her when she was still alive, I made them laugh and cry. I was emotional and so totally peaceful.

It was one of the most beautiful experiences a child can have when her Mother passes away. Yes it is possible. Since I have allowed to F.E.E.L. as much as needed in the process of her dying, I was ready when it happened. I was there for her, for myself and for everybody.

I am at peace now, enriched, stronger and more then ever convinced, that F.E.E.L. can help you in farewell process more then anything. It will help you heal, forgive, release, transform and connect.

Practice it and it will change your life. With all my love and trust in your success,

Shanti

How to stop the battle (and F.E.E.L.)?

How many times have you found yourself in a conflict with your loved one and didn’t know how to stop, quit or let alone, get out well?

I did, certainly.

During my marriage it was sometimes so hard that I would cry for hours, not knowing what for the f***k I’m doing wrong. Then later, after the divorce, circumstances got a lot more peaceful in our house, it was my eldest son who was able to push my red buttons within seconds.

It all started to change when I understood what triggers me so much.

Other can never ever trigger you through the roof. Yes, I know, you can argue with me … since it really feels like it was the other.

But you can never change the other and yet, you can find your own peace. I’m talking true, deep peace here, not fake, aloof and quasi serene peace that disconnects you from other people.

So, if it is not the other who triggers you, who is it then?

It is your subconscious unhealed pain that makes you so irritated.

OK, this is abstract. You can agree with me but this won’t change your situation.

So let’s be concrete.

Not so long ago I was working with a couple, parents of 3 kids. They generally get along pretty well, but they experience some struggles in raising kids.

What was their problem?

She gets triggered by their eldest son who is not willing to listen, who wants to spend lots of time on the computer games and would respond to his Mom with words like: “I hate you and I can’t wait to get out of this house.” She really is a loving and devoted Mom.

This is painful to her. While she is triggered, she immediately needs to take the pressure out. Where to? To her husband by complaining and projecting of what a failure in fathering he really is. She is done with being strict and strong, she wants to be soft and loving and wants her husband to be strong and do the hard part in raising kids.

He has his fair share of pain too. If she blames him for being a bad father, he will immediately defend himself by attacking back, calling her a nagger and blame her a little more.

Never ending battle. Both come out more hurt and their family pain is worse.

Please, refrain from taking sides or having a solution. We are still far from even understanding let alone solving and connecting this lovely human beings again.

You can tell, once they get involved in the story, they are trapped. No matter who begins the story, if the other reacts and starts whirling in it, it will be difficult to get out.

So when she has an argument with their eldest son and begins nagging to him how “not a good father” he is, she is obviously in pain but she cannot see it yet. She is totally convinced that her son and husband are the causing of her struggle.

It is such a common story, isn’t it?

I’m sure now you are asking yourself what one can do in situations, similar to this one?

Open your heart, my dear, since there is something quite simple that you can do. So many lives are changing by using F.E.E.L., so will yours. I’m happy for you!

So, what and how to do it?

If she could see, what her pain really is about, she could do it differently. I invited her to explore it in a different environment. She tried to F.E.E.L.

Imagine now your situation and travel with me. When her son triggers her, she needs to recognise that she is triggered, this is the first step. She needs to be willing to recognise that she is triggered and stop there. No further acting, no hurting. STOP and take a breath. She did.

After the initial stop she decided she is willing to feel. (Remember first step, F = making yourself available to feel). Doing so she took 100% responsibility and ownership of her emotions. This is HUGE.

After that she went deeper and got in touch with her body to find the feeling and embody it (the first E of the F.E.E.L. stands for embody). It can be felt as a physical sensation, as energy flowing, as heat, cold, or any other silent voice, trying to get her attention. This is great step, it takes you deeper to your body and make you establish and enjoy more and more connection to yourself.

After embodying she took a next step, vulnerably entering even more into the experience. She dared and expressed what she feels (this is the second E of the F.E.E.L.).

She was doing great, got deeper and found something you would never think about. She has found a painful guilt of not being a good enough Mother and of failing as a Mother.

What a difference between blaming her husband or feeling the pain of failing as a Mother. Yet, the later was her true, subconscious feeling, which was causing all the pain from underneath.

When she was in touch with her feeling of failure, with no forcing, no self-blaming, just loving presence for her pain, she was slowly able to let it go (L of the F.E.E.L.). Pain is very much like a hurt knee of the 2 year old. If you apply love and reassurance, it will heal within minutes and the toddler is off to a happy play again.

Since she has a very nurturing husband, she was able to express the pain to him as well. She vulnerably admit her fear of failing as  Mother and expressed her need for a hug. He was right there for her, accepting her as she was. You can only imagine how their connection deepened at that moment.

What a contrast to the battle from the beginning, right?

There is an immediate result of F.E.E.L., as you can see. But long term results are just as sweet. As her pain of being not good enough Mother heals through situations like this, she will be less and less triggered by her son. She will be able to listen to him and respond to his teenager needs in a totally different manner.

This is whole another story. As is the story of her husband if she had continued to blame him and he could stop, F.E.E.L. and lovingly redirect her to her feelings. It is always possible to stop and F.E.E.L., no matter which role do you play in the raising battle.

I hope you see yourself in this story. If you do, stop and F.E.E.L. next time. Your world will change completely and you will be able to manifest the life of your dreams better and sooner than you have ever imagined.

Never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!