I’m not sure I wanna be me

That is a quote from Elon Musk that I heard this morning.

It really struck me.

Why wouldn’t someone want to be himself?

 

It made me go deep, to the heart of the matter. Because when you think about it, that’s probably one of the most important questions a human being can ask.

 

What makes me feel like I wanna be myself?

What makes me feel good? What makes me feel alive? What keeps me going, what makes me feel fulfilled, and finally, what makes me happy?

You, my dear, probably ask yourself these questions from time to time. Most likely though, you’re chasing a goal and hardly have time to sit down. Or, maybe when you do sit down, you’re faced with all of these deeper questions and feelings and it’s just easier to run.

Until eventually you break down.

 

Are you a visionary, my dear?

If so (and I believe you are — you have your important vision and your big mission), then you too probably wonder if you really wanna be you sometimes.

I certainly do.

When you observe the world as it is, you will notice two extremes.

On one hand, you will find people who are trying to be happy. They work on their inner selves, develop their spiritual side, and perhaps practice mindfulness and meditation. But they are not achievers. They may even despise achievers.

On the other hand, you will find the achievers. They are brilliant minds, excellent thinkers, visionaries, and hard workers. Without these types of people you wouldn’t be holding the device you’re reading this on right now, and I wouldn’t be able to communicate this to you from where I’m sitting. But these people are, oftentimes, not happy with themselves either.

Ouch.

I just can’t accept this reality. I WANT BOTH SIDES. I want it all. Just as you do, my dear. I know you want both sides too.

And it is totally possible to have them both, even if it seems like you’re up against the clock to complete your work, goal, or mission. You’re not. You are, however, probably avoiding a part of your life that can either create or destroy that thing inside you that allows you to “want to be yourself”.

What is it?

If you are not new to my world, then you have heard me say it before:

Emotions.

Emotions can either create or destroy your life.

And there is one extremely important tool (the most important tool) that you’ll need if you want to accomplish your mission and still “wanna be you” at the same time.

It is emotional strength.

I don’t mean the ability to act tough when things don’t go your way. I don’t mean the ability to not give a f*ck about another person’s opinion (or at least pretend not to). I don’t mean not giving a sh*t about what the world thinks about you. I don’t mean the ability to do everything on your own and not rely on others.

I have used some not-so-nice words there on purpose. Because when you’re in the thick of it, emotions can be very powerful. If you really allowed them to come out as they are, they would probably come out a lot like that.

I mean true emotional power, true emotional strength.

I mean the state in which you’re able to honestly express your needs, all while experiencing, and even surviving, your emotions. I mean the state of being in touch with your inherent need to be connected with other human beings; in touch with your need to belong, to love and to be loved, to feel safe, secure and yet still adventurous at the same time. To feel fulfilled and, ultimately, to feel happy.

Emotional strength, no matter how sweet it sounds, requires one thing that prevents most of us from even trying to get there in the first place. It requires vulnerability.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and mastering F.E.E.L. – this is the ultimate emotional strength, and doing so will inevitably bring you all that you want.

No more either/or outlook in regard to your vision, purpose, and happiness.

You can have it all.

I believe leaders of the future will have it all. You, as a leader of the future, are aiming to build up your emotional strength right now, if you choose to.

 

Take it seriously.

 

Learn to F.E.E.L. Practice it. Don’t run away from your vulnerability, your need for emotional connection, and your sense of belonging. Face it. Face the fact that you need help and support in order to be emotionally strong, and really F.E.E.L. it as it is meant to be. We all need help and support, no one can do it alone.

If you think you can do it alone or you don’t know how to face your vulnerability in order to gain emotional strength, then you are probably quite emotionally miserable right now. Please understand, IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

No matter what your mission, you can make it all possible and benefit from achieving it, but only if you have enough emotional strength to carry you.

Once you get there, you will get to experience happiness WHILE you are accomplishing your mission. Your family and loved ones won’t have to suffer. When you look back on your life in your last days or moments, you will know that you have given your best.

So, when I hear visionaries say that they are not sure if they wanna be themselves, it breaks my heart. It inspires me to carry on with my mission even more.

I want you to love to be yourself AND accomplish your mission.

Let’s do it together.

Never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

Half a million and counting

I am over the moon.

My son just published his first app.

He is a handsome young man who just turned 20; a home-schooled visionary, science lover, and all-around genius.

And a very particular person to live with.

He’s been working hard 12 hours a day for the last 12 months to finish this app.

A SPACE FLIGHT SIMULATOR.

A real deal app. A comprehensive tool for entertainment, and for learning space literacy. I’m now starting to see how huge this endeavour really is.

 

What happened?

 

In the world as we know it, you need a million dollars or more to create an advertising campaign or you can forget about your app.

My boy didn’t have all that.

Still…he confidently told us, today is the day.

He hit that “publish” button and all of us, his brother, his sister and myself, held our breath for a moment.

Nothing happened.

Until it did.

 

It was like an avalanche. Boys and girls of all ages started to pick up on the most amazing space app they have ever seen and playedand within 17 days he reached HALF A MILLION DOWNLOADS.

 

HALF A MILLION!

 

But let me take you back to where it all began.

It started years ago when I took him to the watermill to buy some fresh, organic flour. He was 3 years old at the time and he was so impressed. He stood there for hours and studied the mechanics of the water mill. Then he drew it all out in detail at home.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Then, at the age of 7, he studied the mechanics of the biggest ski lift at our hometown ski resort for hours. I wanted to go skiing, but nope, it was always, “Stay there, Mommy, I want to understand how it works.”

He wrote (well, drew) his first book about the planets and solar system when he was 7 as well.

This is the nice part of the story. The proud mama story. But don’t buy into it too soon.

There is a dark and cloudy part to this tale, as always. The rocky road that we, as a family, needed to unfold, step by step.

My son was just a very unusual kid in many ways. He often walked alone, and would become easily annoyed with others. He could sense every little bit of emotional tension around him. And he acted out on it heavily — with me, and with his friends and teachers.

It was really difficult to understand him, to keep up with his pace, and to have my own emotions sorted out so that he wouldn’t act out … OMG.

After a lot of struggling in primary school, where he once tried to explain physics to his teachers and was occasionally punished for being “too smart”, he ended up as an unschooled, self-taught programmer and astronomical visionary. I was freaking afraid. How could I just leave my boy with no formal education?

My mind struggled but my heart knew. There is a bigger plan in it for us.

 

Is this the happy ending? Not yet.

 

We still needed to sail the waters of puberty. Can you imagine that? Hormones on top of everything that was already on our plate?

But then I found F.E.E.L. It saved my life. It saved his life. And it will result in a visionary mind being grounded in this world to enjoy the fruits of his work.

I know, that proud mama thing again. But Im pretty sure you will hear about this boy/man in the future.

First I had to F.E.E.L. my own pains. My father was so aggressive and my son could be too. I froze every time he would blow up. I could not help or even handle him. So I had to F.E.E.L., especially through my fear and let my own bottled up anger out. It took me endless sessions with my F.E.E.L. mentor and it resulted in extraordinary healing for my entire family!

I needed to fully own my anger, and express it in a healthy manner. This resulted in proper boundaries for my son, and OMG, did he need them. He could tear our house apart, hadn’t I set the firmest boundaries in the world.

To his day he appreciates it. In his words, he has the utmost respect for me because I am both a firm and loving mom at once. This is the life-long Ph. D in Proud Mama Ive been working toward 🙂

Now that I helped myself, I had to help him next. He felt like an outsider for most of his life. He was so different. He needed to be alone, yet also surrounded by people, who he mostly just needed to provide safety and silence. Can you imagine managing that in a house with 3 children?

Back in his schooling days, despite enrolling him in an amazing Waldorf school, the whole experience was a nightmare. I had endless talks with his teachers who were telling me all sorts of terrible things about my son’s behaviour. He was a genius, just totally misbehaved. And it was all my fault!!!

Thank God for F.E.E.L. once again.

I was able to be there for him when he “misbehaved”. I didn’t let him do any harm, but rather, express his feelings. There were floods of feelings. He felt angry, disappointed and worst of all, like a total failure.

I knew I couldn’t “save” him. I just needed to be a support system so he could F.E.E.L. his feelings. It took us about 2 years before we slowly began to notice some results.

Eventually, he started to feel more at peace. He started to reclaim his amazing creativity. He is not only a genius at programming, and understanding all things outer space, but an amazing artist as well.

Last year he began to work on the project, that I mentioned at the beginning. His app. It took him 12 months, working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. At home, on holidays, on Sundays. Day in and day out.

A month ago he published it. The rest is, and will forever be, history.

I told you this story to show you the power of F.E.E.L., and how it can be used, and is often needed, to support the realization of visionary projects. The stronger the impact and the higher the financial structure of an endeavor, the more you need your emotional strength.

Even my son knows it today. He is totally aware of the need to be in touch with his emotions in order to tackle his projects. And this is where I come in, whenever he needs me.

 

What about you?

 

Are you willing to go through your F.E.E.L. growth in order to achieve your success? In order to create the life that you love?

Stay tuned. You will have lots of opportunities to master F.E.E.L. this spring and summer.

 

Never forget: I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

How I taught my children to tell me about my problem

Years ago, I found myself navigating a messy divorce, dealing with the biggest financial struggle of my life, and desperate in midlife crisis. With all that going on in the background, there were many times that I was really tough on my children.

I would be strict and demanding, criticising and explosive with constant outbursts. It wasn’t that they hadn’t done something that wasn’t okay. I was just way too OVER-reactive.

At first I didn’t notice it. I was convinced they had done things that required my strong intervention. I felt desperate and angry, like raising good children was out of my hands.

But deep in me there is a warm, loving, mothering heart. I had been through so much with my children that there is nothing in this world that could prevent me from loving them unconditionally.

And this very love brought me to the moment that I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew they deserved the best. NOT a Mom who acts out her own problems on them.

What I did, from that point on, was revolutionary. I have never, ever heard of anyone doing something like this.

This practice worked so brilliantly that I still use it today and I teach children and their parents to do the same thing.

I sat down with my children and told them the truth.

I told them that Mommy is sad. Mommy is worried and sometimes really overwhelmed.

I told them it was not their fault and they had nothing to do with it. I also told them that Mommy can take care of her own life and her problems and they don’t have to bear them for me.

Now, I have heard of telling children stuff like this before.

But I went a step further.

I decided to ask them for help.

I asked that next time, when I’m yelling or being harsher than I really should be, that they pause and compassionately tell me, “THAT THING is going on again.”

I asked them to literally tell me: “Mommy, you must have your own problem again,” BUT to say this with compassion and in a gentle way. I didn’t need judgement or criticism at that point.

I was curious whether it would work or not. They were pretty small at the time, my oldest was about 10 years old.

But children are amazing.

If you give them permission, they are smartest beings in this world. They got it right away since deep down they knew, it was the right thing to do.

The very next time I exploded, my son stopped me. So lovingly. He said, just like I taught him to, Mommy, you must have something going on in your life.

It was like a loving hug to my hurting heart.

Someone there not to judge me but to help me!

I stopped immediately.

The love between the two of us strengthened so much in that moment. I was a vulnerable, sad, happy, loving, loved, and most of all, proud Mama!

But this was only the beginning.

You cannot actually stop yourself unless you can examine and resolve what is going on underneath.

So, I took a little time for myself and F.E.E.L.

By the second E I simply told my son, Yes, I am sad. You are right. I have something going on. Thank you for being here when I’m sad.”

We were both relieved immediately. Such a simple, honest act. An act of connecting rather than separation. An act of love rather than judgement and conflict.

It takes a certain amount of self-awareness to listen to your child when they tell you that you have something else going on. It is way easier to quiet them and tell them that they are the problem, not you.

But with love for your children and F.E.E.L. you can do it!

The beauty of this was that I didnt need to solve my problem in order to be OK.

F.E.E.L. was enough.

I owned my emotions, expressed them, and embraced my hurting heart. I let go and I remember, my anger or whatever it was, disappeared the moment I allowed myself to be vulnerable and F.E.E.L.

The second side, maybe even more important, was that my children were liberated of my emotional burden.

They received a tool to know that my emotions were not about them.

They weren’t damaged or wounded by my reactions. They received the lesson of a lifetime.

When somebody is angry / acting out / acting irrationally, it is not about me.

It doesnt help to judge or criticise the other person for their behavior.

I can express my compassion and ask them about what is going in their life.

I know, it won’t work with every adult, not yet. We need to spread F.E.E.L. a whole lot more. But this CAN work with you and your children or your loved ones.

Tell them, ask them, “How do I act when I have something going on?”

Personally, I yelled. You might act differently, but don’t deny it.

Then ask them to help you! And F.E.E.L.

If everyone would try this, we could heal all relationships in no time.

I love F.E.E.L.

Practice it, and you will love it too, more and more each day.

 

Never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti

F.E.E.L. money opportunities into your life

We both know that the best ideas and opportunities come from being empty, being calm, having no thoughts or distractions, and being in perfect peace with yourself and the world around you. Add a pinch of curiosity and you have the perfect breeding ground for the opportunity. It will slip in and make your dreams come true.

But how to get there?

I want to tell you the story about the biggest opportunity I received. One that showed up when I was really desperate. It gave me the profound understanding that we are literally surrounded by opportunities all the time, we just need to overcome whats keeping us from them.

OK, let’s do this.

I was working on a big project last year and I was so enthusiastic about it. I worked hard, day in and day out, mornings, evening and even weekends. I really put all my heart in it.

Everything was looking really good at the beginning but soon I began to realise that I was headed for a roller coaster. My circumstances were simply not what they needed to be. My Mom was losing her battle with Cancer and it was taking its toll. Much more than I realised.

So, my project didn’t turn out as I expected. There was a lot of money involved, of course.

I called a friend and she said something I will never forget.

She said: Shanti, remember what Einstein said. Energy can never be destroyed. It always transforms in something else.

She wanted me to open my eyes.

There is opportunity waiting for youjust around the corner.

But I had my blinders on. Very dangerous, as you can imagine. (Check your blinders while you are reading this.)

Then I heard my mentor chime in: “Don’t act if this very opportunity is the only one you have.”

OK, another hint in same direction.

But I still didn’t see anything. I was lost and desperate, I didn’t sleep, I was easily irritated, and I was hopelessly searching for the solution. I acted by more doing. Ugggh.

When I just could’nt fight anymore, I hit my edge. I couldn’t go for more will-power, masculine way of pushing through. I have used my fuel.

I felt like Jesus in the cross for a moment. Shall I give up? Or is there a deeper learning in it for me?

I wanted to find my money opportunity. I was doing a lot of manifesting exercises and they didn’t bring results … there must be a way out.

In that moment I was just flooded with emotions. There is Sun behind the clouds, but I can’t see it. I want my way ooooout!

“No shortcuts, baby. You need to F.E.E.L. your way out.”

I got it. I accepted it. I gathered my last energy and embarked on a F.E.E.L. journey.

I made myself available to feel. F means “make yourself available to feel” and this is always a crucial first step. If you have or haven’t heard it before, you know what a difference it makes when you truly decide.

The moment I made yourself available to feel, a whole new world opened in front of me. It was like my world widened and my present moment became so vast and broad. What it did was actually it helped me stop focusing on “doing” and focus on “being” instead.

What a relief!

When I sensed the being, I started to use my body. The first E of the F.E.E.L. stands for embody  and your body is always your best ally when removing the obstacles to your dreams.

I found so many sensations when thinking of my failed project. I felt like a loser. I felt pain. I felt fear and despair. I felt restriction and anger. It felt unfair and I was so disappointed. All sorts of things, as you can see.

I had an excellent excuse and story all cooked up to circle round and round about how unfair the whole thing was. How my circumstances were not fair. I could’ve blamed and played the victim.

That would’ve been easier than to feel the pain.

But here is the crossroads. You can choose your story, to blame, and be a victim or you can go to the second E, express, and own and express what you feel.

After years of practice I was able to choose the latter. I knew I didn’t need to have a solution to my challenge yet to express what I feel.

I am lucky to have a family who can listen and I have also “trained” them not to take anything personally. I have told them that all I need is someone to witness in compassion and not someone to save me or take me out. Years of expressing what I need are paying off in moments like this.

Saying how you feel and crying out loud is so vulnerable. You admit you feel like a loser. You admit you are falling apart and actually, it feels like dying. Indeed, a part of you, that doesn’t serve you any longer, IS dying.

But the hard part lasts only few minutes … and then I was able to L, just let go.

I let go of the idea of how life should be and how the project SHOULD turn out. I let go of disappointment and I let go of an attachment to the success. I was able to feel my inner light despite to what “happened” to me.

Never try to go the light straight away. Though it is there, I assure you. It’s just you need to go through the clouds in order to see the light again. Doing so, the results are effortless, lasting and not just temporary, requiring willpower over and over again.

OMG. Now I was in that juicy empty place. I had released my project idea and there was nothing new. Yet.

But I didn’t have to wait long. A day or two later a friend sent me a note about a new investment opportunity. I always wanted to dive into investing wisely, but I had it planned “for some day in the future” so this came by a surprise and it added fresh mojo into my life. Learning about projects, startups, supporting new business ideas with your money and making money with it … yes, this is something I always wished for.

Diving into investing will also provide financial back up as I work on bringing F.E.E.L. into the world and make it accessible for everyone.

OMG. Universe, you have it all planned!

I just needed to open myself to something else that I hadn’t seen in my despair, and F.E.E.L. through my clouds so the sun could appear again.

Results?

More money than I made in my entire business year.  F.E.E.L. widens your abundance container more than anything ever could!

I can only express gratitude now. And even deeper committment to spread the F.E.E.L. to you so you can meet your great opportunity.

So, now it’s your turn. Where are you stuck when it comes to your income level, even though you know, deep in your gut, that you deserve more?

Go and do what I did. I tell you, the Universe has it planned out for everyone!

 

Never forget, I totally trust and believe in your success!

Shanti