It’s the definition of insanity to repeat the same actions over and over and expect different results. Yes, I’m sure you’ve heard that before … and still, I bet there are certain areas in your life in which you keep creating the same results.
This has happened to me too. From the title I bet you can guess what went on 😉
So let me tell you what I did to shift this and what changed as a result. It was shocking and I was never the same.
Let’s say that you keep attracting same types of people into your life.
When I was thinking about how I could explain the way you can change this, I was immediately drawn to my “married men” story.
Now, my first instinct was to hesitate. It’s a personal story. It is very much mine. It is very vulnerable. I should not talk about this. Let’s choose something lighter. Something more appropriate.
Isn’t that the way we avoid changes in vulnerable areas of our life?
It sure is.
We avoid them. We judge them. We postpone them …
Until it causes so many painful results that we have to look at them
So I’m going to talk about the married men thing… and how I changed it.
Deep breath …
Let’s start by taking a step towards change together.
You are strong, I am strong. We can do this.
We can face a challenge before it becomes so painful that life makes us face it.
If you agree, continue reading. I love you.
So, the thing I kept repeating. The thing that had to change was the fact that I kept attracting married men.
Since my divorce there have been at least least 7 or 8 occasions in which I’ve attracted a married man into my life… or rather… they became attracted to me?
Anyway, to make a simple story more complicated, they were all “just about to divorce”.
Men who are in a healthy marriage, they don’t walk around fishing. But those in need for emotional connection, they were just like me.
We both had this same painful emptiness and lack of emotional connection with the opposite sex.
I was aware of this emptiness. After years of working on myself, it was an obvious consequence of my father’s absence.
Yet despite this awareness I STILL kept manifesting those men in my life.
Typically, I would not be attracted at all until they started to show me affection and loving kindness.
Sooner or later, I could not resist this tenderness and I would buy into “I am not happy in my marriage and I am just about to divorce” story. Only, after a short while, they would suddenly be hit with guilt and start avoiding me, which of course resulted in painful rejection.
(Ugggh, yes, this was my life and it hurt. So much pain.)
Now let me tell you what happened next.
Eventually, I had enough.
I decided to take the bull by the horns and bring it up with my mentor.
It would’ve been so easy to talk about ANYTHING else with her and avoid this conversation. She would never even suspect my shame and my pain around this.
But I wanted to face it. I knew F.E.E.L. could change any problem starting at the root.
I began telling my story and the “F”, (remember, F stands for the decision to make muself avialbe to feel), that was easy. After I decided to make myself available to feel so many years ago, I made a vow never to go back to the old way …
But “E”, the embodying was very challenging. I kept trying to rationalize with my mind. I kept explaining my story. I kept swirling around my father and my childhood and how difficult it was when I was little …
But this is where Einstein’s wisdom come into play.
If you want different results, you need to do something differently.
If diving into your childhood and understanding what happened to you doesn’t bring you desired change, then you need to do something differently.
That’s when it is time to F.E.E.L.
I was lucky that my mentor is masterful in using F.E.E.L.
She gently and firmly kept redirecting me back to my body.
What struck me was how persistent I was in defending the married men. I was so ready to defend the very men who hurt me by seducing and then rejecting me.
I found all sorts of excuses and reasons why he “indeed has feelings for me but he just, for some reason, cannot show / express / live it right now.”
Not because of them. This wasn’t really about the men at all.
This was about me and connecting to my last line of defences against feeling my pain.
I had to feel my pain.
By keeping simple mindfulness in my body, the deep pain of being rejected slowly started to emerge. No story, no “others who did it to me”, just my pain. Tears began washing it away and when I started to “E”, express, I was blown away.
Because my pain turned into anger.
My very healthy anger!
This was not me being angry at someone who “did it to me”, but MY ANGER.
My energy was coming back. Years of frozen energy, years of defending my pain of rejection, was melting through this powerful feeling.
Feeling healthy feelings is electric.
Energy is literally opening new pathways through your body. This is really important for lasting change. Otherwise your pathways remain the same and you are not able to choose / act / respond differently next time.
That is why E, embody, and E, express, is so helpful. It enables sustainable change, not just logical “understanding”, which, we both know, will probably result in another same old sh*t next time.
So, after minutes of expressing it and literally shaking my body, the feeling slowly subsided and I was able to enter into “L”, letting go.
It felt like a river of old, heavy feelings, was leaving my body, and I was entering a new, unknown expression of myself. I found myself in this free and lighter place.
I didn’t try to make sense of it. I just allowed my body to rearrange on a cellular level. The occasional deep sigh and shake kept coming out of my mouth for a while. It was so different than before. So different than I expected.
And what happened next?
That was the true evidence of my transformation.
The rose-coloured glasses I wore while defending those married men finally lifted.
All of the sudden I was able to see a clear, unfiltered picture.
THEY DID HURT ME.
They were not responsible and I do deserve so much more.
No blame, no judgement. Just my decision and ability to make a different choice for my future.
This is how change happens.
You need to move through the barrier otherwise you keep repeating the same situations and keep getting the same results.
When you admit it, when you lovingly embrace the initial shame around it and F.E.E.L. through it, then change is simply inevitable.
With that in mind may YOU have your own “married men” experience to spark your change through F.E.E.L. NOW! Because you only deserve the best too <3
Never forget, I fully trust and believe in your success!
PS: I’m working on something behind the scenes, just for you. I’m creating a special video explaining the F.E.E.L.™ Formula in detail as my Christmas present for you. Until then, you can watch this short video. I explain it nicely here too.